The Other “C” Word for Women
I don’t have a Kate Spade anything. I do have a Coach briefcase given to me by my Regional Nurses when I retired. That’s about it as far as designer anything goes for me.
As Spade was developing her signature line, I was the major breadwinner of a family and then I was a single mom. I would have loved to have one of her bright purses or flats but we needed to pay the rent and her shoes didn’t come in my giant size.
The last celebrity suicide to get to me as much as Spade’s was Robin Williams. Spade may have even become “enraptured” of Williams’ suicide, going into that dark abyss. Both are losses that our culture didn’t need. But Spade’s death has at least opened a dialogue about women and depression — the depression we hide.
Women hide a lot.
I’ve read that Spade had a long history of “mental illness.” Can we just say the word — depression? Clinical Depression. Say its name. It’s not difficult. More women than men have the diagnosis. Maybe that’s because men don’t want to admit to any weakness or maybe it’s because women seek the help.
Unless that woman was Kate Spade. News reports state that her family had tried to get her into treatment but she ultimately refused, with the excuse that she didn’t want her diagnosis and subsequent treatment to reflect poorly on her line — even after her business had been sold.
But is this celebrity any different than other women?
In my generation, little girls were taught to be “nice and polite and to smile.” Even now women who are not smiling, get told to “smile, you’ll be pretty.”
Well, maybe I don’t want to smile. Maybe I don’t feel like it. Why should I deny my feelings to make you happy?
We‘re taught that being upbeat, smiling, and good to everyone is the way to become a successful woman. Use up all your emotional labor at home and in the workplace and you’ll go far. You’ll be on your way to your own bright bags and flats. With all of that color around you, how could you do anything but smile. Be the best you can be and don’t let anyone know you’re unhappy.
But if they figure it out, you sure as hell must have a good reason: work, broken car, broken marriage. You just can’t say, “I don’t know…”
Clinical Depression (the other “c” word for women) is not situational; it can be just like that — “I don’t know.” For me it’s like the grey curtain is coming down around me. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to do anything. Luckily I’m retired so I have a choice but most women don’t. I warn my family so they know I’m having one of “those” days. I hate it but it’s better that way.
Most women with Clinical Depression have families and jobs that need them to up and moving. They can’t hide behind that grey curtain until they feel better — work at home or work at the office won’t get done. So women tuck those feelings away and get on.
Did Kate Spade tuck those feelings away until they became overwhelming? Would she have committed suicide even if she’d received help? We’ll never know.
But at least now we’re talking about women and Clinical Depression.
If you or a loved one are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273-TALK (8255).
