Member-only story
Never Good Enough
Note: This is part of a Memoir — meaning from my memories — not the memories of others.
“I married you because I thought no one else would.” This is a statement from my first husband. Hurtful? Definitely. True? Well, I thought it was. And here is why…
For most of my life I’ve never felt as if I was “good enough.”
By the time I was eight years old, I was overweight and no longer “cute.”
My father started with his practice of shaming me about my weight. It was the way of the 1950s and 60s to get kids to change “for the better.” And now I wonder if it was part of the nightmares I had at a young age — monsters coming to get me because, in some way, I was “bad.”
It didn’t help that I was also taunted in school. I can still hear, “Fatty, fatty two by four…” chanted at me.
The bullying continued until Middle School (Junior High) and High School. Then everything became more subtle — no boy would dance with me, let alone ask me out. Even though I worked on my Senior Prom committee (my poem appeared in the program), I couldn’t go because I wouldn’t have had a date. I felt left out of many things that were part of high school.
My father continued with the teasing and bullying.
